What's Happening?

Funny how things just come to mind. And yet a few days ago this was quite profound.

I was speaking with a women in my office, she's 25 . Further into our conversation she started telling me how confused and scared she was about her life going forward. I appreciated that she felt comfortable enough to share her feelings with me.

She began first by saying how she was looking forward to she and her boyfriend of 5 years moving into a new place together, and how happy she was about it. She mentioned her work, and the fact that this was her first "real" job after graduating from University. She appreciated the learnings and experience she was gaining.

And then, without missing a beat she said, "I'm confused and scared." "What's my future going to hold?" She talked about a friend of hers who was offered a well-paying job after graduation through her father's associate. Turning it down, she instead traveled to Australia, India, and Europe - not so unusual, right? I did the same after graduation myself! I didn't come home for almost 3 years.

She was quite disturbed by all of this. She was envious that her friend just took off to follow her love of surfing. "I'm feeling pressure from family and society to live my life the way I'm suppose too," she said. "I don't want kids until I'm in my mid-30's, maybe I'll adopt, I'm struggling with my confusion around having a 9-5 kind of job, I could be out there having adventures." I could feel her angst as she was talking.

Being older than she, I couldn't dare say that most of us felt the same way at 25 (for that matter, even now). She wouldn't want to hear that. She wanted to hear that it was OK not to "give in" to societal pressures and expectations. I said to her that no matter what others say, it was her life to do with as she pleased. If she felt the 9-5 job wasn't for her, then to start taking a look at all of her transferable skills and personal life to see how she could best work and play in a way that made her happy. If traveling was it, then she needed to see if her work could be mobile - have technology will travel!

I also wanted to convey that sometimes you needed to give up certain things to ensure happiness. I said that because, in the same breath as we were talking about her being mobile, she also conveyed her desire to live a materialistic life. What she meant by that, because I asked her to elaborate, was "the house, the kids, the trips, the stuff." She was fighting with what she'd been told was right, rather than what was true to be right for her.

We concluded this part of our conversation with my offer to help her look at this on paper. She was going to go away and list 3 categories; 1. The things that made her happy (the must haves, and things she was good at), 2. The things that she didn't want (the have nots), and 3. The things she needed to live (survival tools). We would then hook up again to discuss. 

She was pleased to hear that someone was willing to help her in a way that would provide her with some solutions to her confused state.

Upon reflection I ask you ... What's happening with us? Why do we seem so unsettled, or for matter, why do we seem to settle? I've spoken of this in earlier writings. I'm convinced it's the fear of the unknown. Afraid of what could be, rather than the thrill of possibilities.

I'm going to ponder this a little more. In the meantime, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

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