Bouts of Insecurity ...

The feeling of being insecure is unsettling. Particularly when one perceives oneself as being secure. However, who is one kidding.

Ok, being brave, I am shifting from typing "oneself" to "I." Hmm maybe I am feeling more secure! After all, I am human. I'm simply expressing my emotion/feeling of sometimes feeling insecure. And yet, it is terribly difficult for me to admit. Terribly difficult. Because it's about feeling vulnerable. Ugh.

My insecurity comes from my fear of being lonely. Not feeling loved, appreciated, needed, you know, all that crap ;-) ...

This emotion/feeling that takes hold of me is most unnerving. I feel exposed. It's a horrible feeling. This feeling is rare to me, and yet when it hits, it hits hard. It paralyzes my confidence. I'm the same confident, self-assured person I was yesterday, and yet today I am riddled with self-doubt. I need to seek shelter until this feeling passes.

After careful deduction, I'm surmising that this feeling comes about when I'm either extremely tired or extremely miserable about an aspect of my life. Who the hell knows. I just know that I feel lousy when I feel this way.

I'm now going to find a dark location where I can hide until this feeling passes. I'm not yet ready to explore the deeper meaning of this emotion, because if I do, then it's all about me, and I hate being so self-serving .... lol, we'll leave THAT emotion for another day.

See you on the flip side ....

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Cubicle Freedom

The headline reads: Goodbye husband and career, hello high seas

The article goes on to say that, "Roz Savage ditched her career, her husband and her house to row solo across the Atlantic."

In 2000 she did a little self reflecting and determined that her seemingly perfect life in London, England: husband, corporate career, big house, little red sports car just wasn't the sort of life that was satisfying to her.

What's next was very interesting ... Roz wrote two obituaries for herself, the first reflected where she felt her life was headed and the second was the obituary of her dreams.

She decided that her current life path was too conventional, and so was her husband. She dabbled in many things at first - an organic bakery; an organic coffee shop; realizing that these projects didn't seem quite right. She was looking for an adventure - freedom .... so, in 2006 at 38, single, homeless, and alone in a 23-foot carbon-hulled rowboat, she rowed across the Atlantic (oh ya, that would have been my next choice!) and has never been happier! Her next goal is to be the first woman to row solo across the Pacific.

She is now a British ocean rower, author, motivational speaker and environmental campaigner.

I'm re-inspired! Many years ago I travelled around the world. Like Roz, I wanted/needed an adventure, experiences, to see new things ... I quit my work, gave up my place, sold everything, and put a pack on my back and didn't know if I was ever coming back! From New Zealand, Australia, Hong Kong, Thailand, China; experiencing the thrill of traveling on the Trans Siberian express to Siberia, Russia; with the trains last stop being at the border of Finland; Europe, and so many more Countries I had a chance to explore. It was a thrill.

Trust me, it wasn't all good, but I felt alive. The trip I thought would never end actually did, 2 1/2 years later when I ran out of money, was travel fatigued, and wanted to be back in North America for a number of reasons. But now, I'm ready to plan my next BIG adventure! Not sure what it looks like just yet ... Google earth awaits ....

Thank you Roz for your quiet inspiration.

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I've been observing for some time now how we (homo sapiens) do not read ourselves very well. By this I mean, we don't accurately assess how we come across to others. For example; in most cases the "bully" doesn't recognize that she/he is a "bully," the "micro-manager" doesn't know she/he is a "micro-manager," the "knob" doesn't know that she/he is a "knob."

So let's do ourselves all a favor and look in the mirror, better yet ask someone you know and trust to tell you how you REALLY come across/act, and if you don't believe her/him ask someone else until you clue in. They can't ALL be wrong.

It's OK, we all need to take a good look to see how we are actually being perceived in the world by others. The worse thing we could do is to ignore the verbal/non-verbal cues that others give us. We could pretend to be the people we're not, and yet that doesn't help anyone. It's time to reassess, clue in, and make some changes where needed. Hey, if it turns out we're not the fabulous people we thought we were ... the good news is ... we can be!!

This has been a public broadcast announcement.

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Off The Radar ...

I've been off the radar for a while. I've been inspired, and yet not inspired enough to write about it - although I've been doing a lot of writing lately - screenwriting.

So how's everyone doing? What's inspiring you lately?

The season is changing, and I feel a sense of renewed energy. That everything is possible kind of feeling. I'm hoping that just maybe you're feeling the same way?!

It's interesting how we move through life. Our perspective and perception changes depending on our frame of mind. I try not to dwell to much on things, as it makes me feel too self-absorbed. I get the whole "know thy self" verbiage, and yet to understand yourself is to notice how you react and respond to others. I like: Have fun. Be nice. The having fun part can sometimes be challenging depending on where you're at in your psychological state at any given time.

So here's hoping that you're in a positive frame of mind, and that life is treating you well.

Thinking of you.

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