10.22.2009

Bouts of Insecurity ...

The feeling of being insecure is unsettling. Particularly when one perceives oneself as being secure. However, who is one kidding.

Ok, being brave, I am shifting from typing "oneself" to "I." Hmm maybe I am feeling more secure! After all, I am human. I'm simply expressing my emotion/feeling of sometimes feeling insecure. And yet, it is terribly difficult for me to admit. Terribly difficult. Because it's about feeling vulnerable. Ugh.

My insecurity comes from my fear of being lonely. Not feeling loved, appreciated, needed, you know, all that crap ;-) ...

This emotion/feeling that takes hold of me is most unnerving. I feel exposed. It's a horrible feeling. This feeling is rare to me, and yet when it hits, it hits hard. It paralyzes my confidence. I'm the same confident, self-assured person I was yesterday, and yet today I am riddled with self-doubt. I need to seek shelter until this feeling passes.

After careful deduction, I'm surmising that this feeling comes about when I'm either extremely tired or extremely miserable about an aspect of my life. Who the hell knows. I just know that I feel lousy when I feel this way.

I'm now going to find a dark location where I can hide until this feeling passes. I'm not yet ready to explore the deeper meaning of this emotion, because if I do, then it's all about me, and I hate being so self-serving .... lol, we'll leave THAT emotion for another day.

See you on the flip side ....

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1 comment:

  1. Hey there, you with the mopes goin'! I can tell you I am a survivor of the PITS, many of them! Had to make my own damn rope to get out. It was made of love. Had to love myself first and foremost, believe in myself, and totally accept my imperfections/limitations. So when you come out of the closet, my dear, you go give that gal in your mirror a hug and kiss - she deserves it! And stop beating her up! Now THERE!
    Hugs
    suZen

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