I've been working with predominantly women lately. Because I typically work with more men than women it has become abundantly clear to me that women can be brutal to one another. I'm not clear as to why this is, it just is. I'm deeply disturbed by it.
One would think that women would want to help one another to thrive and grow in a way that shows support, and yet there is no evidence of this. What I'm seeing is mean behavior with a complete disregard for kindness and respect. Truly, I'm appalled.
I've also noticed a real need for control. Clearly this is not isolated to just women, however I have a new heightened awareness for this gender. Long gone is the day of micro-management. It's been replaced by nano-managing. Oh come on, we cannot be THAT insecure where we find ourselves setting ourselves up for a new low. I'm currently working in an environment where one woman claimed that she was afraid of another woman. YIKES!
I'm generalizing, but perhaps it's because the work environment seems to be more conducive to men and the way they work? In a book called Games Mother Never Taught You by Betty Lehan Harragan, it mentions that organizations are based on the hierarchical command structure of the military, and work groups are based on sports teams. Women with little to no experience of the military/team sports concept might find themselves constantly swimming against the tide and speaking the wrong language. I don't know, you'd think we'd fit in and "get it," and yet, I'm really not sure anymore.
What I do know is that is I've witnessed horrible mean behavior from women dealing with women and it just has to STOP! I'm ashamed to be a woman. Well, I'm really not, that's just how appalled I am.
Are we not suppose to blow wind under ones wings so that we can take flight? Rather, I'm seeing bricks being handed out.
Respectful, kind, generous women where ever you are please rescue me! Come to my time of need and disclaim what I have proclaimed!
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I wish I could give you some encouragement, there is a book out called Girls Against Girls by Bonnie Burton that tries to address this very issue, here are some quotes she includes:
ReplyDeleteWe live in a culture right now that pits girls against each other. We are brought up socially to be in competition with each other – who has the best body, more boyfriends, better clothes. And this kind of competition can be devastating on female friendships because it emphasizes a mentality that there isn’t enough to go around. Enough love. Enough attention. Enough success. But there is. There is enough to share with your girlfriends. -- Jessica Weiner, author
Women and girls are taught that it’s not OK to be proud of themselves – that if they talk about what they do well, they will appear “stuck up.” So, instead of accentuating their positive traits, they accentuate other girls’ negative ones, scoring social points not with their own accomplishments, but by honing in on the faults of others. -- Kate Izquierdo, music editor, SF Bay Guardian
Don’t make space in your head for people who make you miserable. And if one of your friends turns out to be one of those people? You might not have space in your life anymore for them either! Give ‘em a chance for redemption, but don’t let anyone keep screwing you over or hurting you repeatedly. -- Isabel Samaras, painter
We have to look at each other as allies, not enemies, and rise above the media’s messaging to us that says we have to hate other girls and women. What we need in this world right now is more unity and less cattiness. -- Jessica Weiner, author
Maybe just noticing this problem is the beginning to a solution?
It has been too long since I've visited your blog. I saw that you stopped by my BC page and memories of peaceful and loved toned post flooded my mind. I have to say that we are out there, woman who no longer stand for abusive or dismissive behavior towards each other.
ReplyDeleteBehind every mean spirit is a broken heart. It's sometimes hard to look past people actions and see their souls, but their still there: patient, generous and king. The ever present ego just eclipses it too often. Hold on to hope and make a commit to notice the beauty and every soul. The more time spent with positive people like yourself the more their true light will shine.
Women have been women's worst enemies since forEVER. My husband gets a kick out of it when I tell him some story and shake my head and say "Women!" sort of like men do. With few exceptions, I stay away from them, especially in groups - oh the toxic combos! I like my peace too much.
ReplyDeleteJust posted on blog cat - re: comments. Your comment link (in pink) at the end of your blog - hit that and your are commenting right here on your own blog. On mine, to leave a comment for me, my comment "thingy" is on the top of the blog. I've had some funny and weird experiences learnin this thang! No worries, I'm new too - let me know if this works for ya.
ReplyDeleteI have enjoyed reading your blog. Particularly the one about feeling boring. I feel that way often - so it's good to hear I'm not alone. :-) I look forward to reading more...so post even the boring stuff.
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